Thursday, June 24, 2010

Still Not Knitting

Don't know why. Don't know what I want to do instead. Don't know what I AM doing instead. Don't know what I want to knit. It's more like, I know what I don't want to knit, and that is everything I've planned to knit. I want something easy, different and practical.

It's hot, really hot, OVEN like, outside. I've had a migraine off and on for 7 days now. Even so, I've been in a good mood (well mostly). We have a largish kid pool that we have managed to bring back from the brink of stagnant pond to useable. (didn't know that was even possible)

Also, another positive - I'm not nearly SO angry as I was last post. In talking to my therapist about it, he asked me what would it take to get some sort of closure. My answer was, "I'd ask him, 'DUDE! WHAT THE HELL?' " To which he said, "Well the answer is that he was an alcoholic and when a person drinks that much it changes their brain chemistry which changes them into different people."

That's true. It's been driven home as completely true by the unfortunate experience of one of my friends lately. Another terrible story, but not mine to tell. I can say though, that alcohol changed my friend's husband to the point he was unrecognizable and wrecked his life, completely. (and changed her life forever, too) SAD SAD SAD

Of course drugs do the same thing and the combination of both together is especially deadly. It's too bad that so many people on the planet can't stop, or choose not to stop, down that road of self destruction. It's true that stopping isn't a matter of just making up your mind, it's much more of a complex issue. Like being made of iron and having an electromagnet following you around. So, those that have committed to sobriety and made it work, amaze me, and I am very proud of them.

I guess what I'm trying to say is if only more people on that road could realize that when they head down self destruction's path, they don't go alone. They bring all the people who ever loved or cared about them right along on a very scary and helpless trip. One of the things I hear over and over and have said over and over is that a person has to make that decision for themself, do it for themself, and not do it for someone else. It's a little bit flawed, that thinking. I understand why a person has to approach it that way, but it's not really like they are an island. Either way they go, they affect others for good or bad. Either way they head, all the relapses, all the pain, the fear, the final end of it all. No one ruins there own life without hurting someone else in the process. No one comes back from the edge of a cliff without someone breathing a sigh of nervous relief.

These words are all words that I can easily apply to myself, too. There are a million ways to hurt yourself and the people who love you. There are hundreds of addictions and self destructive paths out there. But how many people have the courage to stop what they are doing and take responsibility for their actions, and change for the better - for real? Really stop and take an accounting for the havoc, the tears, and the broken hearts. It's a vicious cycle I know the story. Just stop. STOP and breathe and let in the love of all those people and let it carry them through to recovery.

Yes, maybe that's over simplified, I don't know. It's not doctrine I'm preaching here, just my feelings. Sorting through them and figuring them out in my own clumsy way. Thanks for listening.


Chris said...

AA--stop One Day at a Time. If I don't drink today I can't get drunk. That is the simplicity of it.

Patty said...

Very powerful, April. Simple is best.