Saturday, December 25, 2010

Spirals to Snakes

My son decided he wanted snakes in his hat, so I searched Ravely for spirals and this is the chart I'll be basing the color work on.

And here's my variation on it. All the kids think it's "AWESOME" =) At least I can still impress them, wonder how long that will last? hahaha

Not the greatest picture ever, but it IS past 1am, so I had to use the flash. The color that looks reddish orange is actually going to be tan.

I always have to do at least part of the next repeat of the chart when I'm drawing it out because it's not always easy understand how the next part goes with the first. I should be more trusting, I know, but... sometimes you just have to see something to understand it.

What do you think?

Friday, December 24, 2010

The Planning Stages of Planning

Paging through books and books of Fair Isle charts can get to be somewhat overstimulating. (for me anyway - it's like shopping, too much input) Everything is either too girly or too... I don't know, I think I don't have the right books. Which means, as usual, I'll just make something up with my own colors and graph paper. I'm sure it won't be anything ground breaking or original, I doubt there is anything out there that is. However, I can't find it among my sources.

While I think and plan and stuff, I'll be finishing up Wuthering Heights. It's my first time reading it (I think) it seems oddly familiar, and not in the "I saw the movie" sense. I used to read all the time, so it's possible I read it when I was in high school and just don't remember. Anyway, it's made me cry a couple of times, which doesn't happen that often in books.

Well... my ADD kicked in and I started looking through Ravelry (which I should have done before I started this post) and I think I have found something I can use with some alteration. Yaaay - stay tuned for updates soon =))

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

And the Mind Goes Blank

For some weird reason, I didn't remember that I posted my finished socks. WHA? I guess I didn't really feel they were finished until I weaved in all the ends. I must be growing up as a knitter. I vaguely recall mentioning that I didn't weave in the ends because my tiny crochet hook has gone missing. I finally got to the store and purchased a package of them. (naturally, I blindly picked up a package that had one stolen out of it - duh)

ANYway, I weaved in the ends, wore the socks to work yesterday, and they were very comfy. I took pictures of all the ends still sticking out everywhere, but... it looks much less dramatic in the picture than it felt like in my head, and it didn't really take long to do it. Although I stretched it out over an evening and the next morning. (exciting stuff, right? ha)

One interesting thing this year, the Autumn leaves have really held on, and they keep changing and changing, so it's been a really pretty experience. I took a few pictures of my Crepe Myrtle against the clear blue sky. Otherwise, I've been completely remiss in taking Fall pictures. Just enjoying them with my eyes.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Random Sock FO

I finally broke down and grabbed some random yarn and finished the socks. However, I seem to have misplaced my tiny crochet hook, so the dozens of ends to weaved in are waiting.

The fit is very nice on these, I seem to have issues with getting that right for some reason, but these are perfect.

With my shoes on they'll look remarkably like the last pair, which was the basic idea. The last pair being just a smidge too short.

This one is the one with the different yarn to finish the cast off, oddly, it blends just fine. yaay I'm chomping at the bit to start charting what to do for the hat, while putting off the lace. hahaha

I'm doing much better health-wise, finally. I'm very thankful that only 1 of the kids got it, a rarity when you're dealing with strepp! Very very thankful.

See ya in a few days when I have something to show for all my planning and procrastination =)

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Sometimes I Wonder ....

... if the endorphins associated with getting new yarn in the mail clouds a person's perception to the point where they think a nice forrest green can by any stretch of the imagination coordinate with a very dark teal?

The brown you see there, that's really the green - my poor mac's webcam doesn't do so great with the colors - but at least you can see it doesn't clash.

Here... is the offending teal. (Yes it doesn't look teal in the picture, but it really is - just like the background isn't really purple, but navy blue) On it's own it's fine, even pleasant, but with the other two, it's just awful. When I first got it though, apparently I didn't notice the obvious clash. The yarn was ordered to make a sweater for my oldest boy. Again, there is an obvious error. There is NO way that's enough yarn for a sweater for my gangly child - I rather doubt it's enough for a sweater for a baby. VERY odd - and it makes me wonder, what was I about. For the record, there is more than what you see, a few more in the back, but it's still no where near enough.

Fortunately, I really owe my youngest child a better hat, and I'm itching to do some nicer Fair Isle. If I have a decent amount left, I'll make him a better scarf than the last one - he likes it ok, but I'm sorta on the bleh side of the fence about it.

You can sorta see the clash a little better in this picture, and my possible solution. The lighter blue actually coordinates decently, and since I'm wanting to branch out into a more complicated Fair Isle, I do want the 3 colors.

As for the socks in my last post, I'm nearly done casting off, but (once again) miscalculated and ran out of yarn during the cast off, so, I'm currently letting it sit a couple of days to make a decision. Rip back and cast off earlier ... or use a random scrap to finish. It doesn't matter too much, they're already pretty random.

Hopefully, I'll have my camera's memory back soon and can at least take real pictures again soon. And if this post is a blah as it sounds in my head, it's probably because I'm just getting over a nasty bout of strepp throat and suddenly feeling the need for a nap. It was bad enough that I was actually too sick to go to the doctor. Anyway, I'm feeling lots better compared to that. By the time I got to see a doctor, she looked at my throat and said "OH MY! That's really bad. I'm going to give you two shots today." And I said, "Good! Because I feel like crap." So I'm a bit off my game. I should be back to my normal (well.... that's debatable) self by next time.

Friday, November 19, 2010


I fully planned to choose the 4th option from the bulleted list last post way back on the 3rd of November:

  1. Jump right in and knit another pair of socks with new yarn
  2. Gather up all my left over sock yarn bits and make a pair of motley socks
  3. Forget socks for a time and start on the practice shawl/stole thing with the Jagger Spun
  4. Start a pair of socks AND start the shawl/stole thing so that I can have the relief of stockinette waiting when I have to tink for 10 hours on the lace

What actually happened is I tricked myself into only doing option 2 and gathered up the remainder yarn from 2 pairs of socks and got to work on my next pair of socks. I had every intention (don't you hate the word intention? It covers a multitude of no one taking any responsibility) oh yeah, every intention of starting the practice stole with my giant cone of Jagger Spun wonderfulness. In spite of my intentions, reality played it's favorite trump card over my free will card and allowed my semi-migraine status to fluctuate from dull threatening migraine to sharp, hateful, full on nausea/incapacitation horror show migraine. In spite of my issues with using the word intention and the fact I can't quite take responsibility for something I have zero control over, I'm glad that I at least started the sock to fill the hours of time that I could only just keep my eyes open and flick my hands back and forth. (yes I use italics when I feel put out)

Of course since it's 7:32pm and completely dark, the photography is probably going to really stink. In fact, it's going to be really awful because I loaned my memory card out to my sister and now I have to use my web cam thing - this should be pretty weird.

Sorta grainy, I guess, it's my first try with 'Photo Booth' - it's fun, actually, the screen goes all white and makes a pseudo flash thing. Pretty cool.

ANYway ..... I'm trying to use up the rest of this yarn, knitting from both ends, one by one ribbing for miles and miles and trying to work out just when to start binding off to use maximum yarn without misjudging and running out too soon. Hopefully I can estimate close enough that I don't end up with that odd amount of yarn that you can't really use or throw away without twitching a bit.

So... I'm back to the same options from before, and I'll probably do the same thing again.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Note to Self

The next time I consider modifying how closely I follow a pattern - think again, self!

It seems that my recent sock project is just a bit too small - the toe to heel length is just the tiniest bit too short. So I shall be giving these socks to my sister - the one with slightly smaller feet than me. This is the second time I have accidentally made a pair of socks for her =) It's fine, she deserves socks made for her, even if it was a subconscious act on my part.

Now I am indecisive, too many options are before me:
  1. Jump right in and knit another pair of socks with new yarn
  2. Gather up all my left over sock yarn bits and make a pair of motley socks
  3. Forget socks for time and start on the practice shawl/stole thing with the Jagger Spun
  4. Start a pair of socks AND start the shawl/stole thing so that I can have the relief of stockinette waiting when I have to tink for 10 hours on the lace.

I think I'm leaning towards 4 with the subtext of 2. ( I know it's grammatically wrong - but I have a slight migrainish thing going on )

Considering the migraine thing, I should probably start the socks first - RIGHT after my coffee.

Have you ever subconsciously made something for someone else?

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Socktoberfest Socks Finished!

Finished with time to spare, even! I finished them last night, and have been wearing them since. As you see, they are perfect to go with denim. ME likey =)

AND, my cone of Jagger Spun Lilac Silk/Wool is here!

Isn't it marvelous? It's going to make a LOT of lace.

Next time sky pics!

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Socktoberfest Socks WIP

Here's where I am on my Socktoberfest socks - I'm nearing the place where I usually cast off. I just don't care much for socks that go up much past my ankles. Knitting them has really kept me much more calm than I would be otherwise. In fact, I went to get some blood work done today, and my blood pressure was pretty low and the little viles took their time filling up. I'm glad something is keeping me from freaking out. It's been a really difficult few weeks.

Lots of waiting and waiting these last few days. I finally got all the insurance stupidity somewhat straight. At least we were finally able to start the medicine this morning, I'm hoping it begins to help soon. Both the doctors say it starts to work the first time you take it.

After my 'fasting' and waiting for a long line of people ahead of my at the lab, I treated myself to some coffee and banana walnut bread from my favorite coffee place. =)

Next post should be the finished product, hopefully before the end of the month. I got some awesome sky pics to share as well. I caught the edge of a huge thunderstorm at sunset. It's the system that spawned a few tornadoes, apparently.

I may have to devote a whole post to those pictures, though, there are loads of them. Anyway, until next time.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Still Fighting

Stupid insurance companies! They have flat out denied my child what would work best for him. Now, I have to go back to the pharmacy, pick up the first prescription, take it BACK to the doctor and trade it for the lesser medicine's prescription and then take that back to the pharmacy.

~slaps forehead~

It's a darn good thing for everyone involved that I'm knitting (and praying) up a storm here - photos later - or else I'd really have lost it by now. (^ not necessarily in that order)

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Socks and Suspensibility

On Friday, my sock progress was scarcely any further than my last post. At this point it was time to start the gusset increases. I'm not sure exactly what I was doing while I wasn't knitting, but the socks hadn't grown much. Fortunately for me, my oldest had a doctor's appointment (still sorting through the issues I've mentioned) so I had knitting time there. Another good thing on Friday, was my local girlfriends had organized a knit night, two of us were experienced knitters, one was an intermediate knitter, and everyone else present was a beginner. It was nice.

Nice and lifesaving, since I was strung out to the extreme after trying to get a prescription filled that my insurance needs some special extra special sort of intimate pow-wow with the doctor. (ya KNOW, you would think that the fact that the doctor WROTE the prescription would mean that they had a doctor's authorization for the medicine) By the time I hung up with the last person who had no way of helping me get the thing filled, I had to lock myself in the bathroom and sob. The result of the culmination of frustrations, suspense and fear over the last several weeks. The proverbial straw that broke the camel's back.

SO..... yes, I needed a girl's night with friends, knitting and wine. (there was baseball on the side, as the Rangers secured their slot to go to the World Series for the first time) I worked on the gusset increases Friday while there. Then on Saturday, while waiting for my oldest's next appointment with another sort of doc (the head doc, sort) and hanging out with my sisters and mom, I finished the increases.

Now it's time for the turning of the heel. I'm still not 100% sure which heel I'm going to use from Wendy's Socks from the Toe Up. I'll keep you posted.

As a side note, on Thursday I made an online purchase that brought out the SQUUEEEEEE in me. One whole POUND of my favoritest lace weight yarn, Jagger Spun Silk/Wool in a beaUtiful lilac from Sandra Singh. A POUND! I have a super wonderful project in mind.

But.... that's a story for another post. How is YOUR Soctoberfest going??

Monday, October 18, 2010

Non Matchy Matchy Sock Progress Pics

I really have to rip up that carpet!

The socks are truckin' along nicely. It may even be possible to finish them this month. The non-matchy matchiness doesn't bother me. In fact, one of the yarn cakes is wound backwards from the other, which makes for interesting color play between them.

The sharpened needles are working very well, but I may have gone a little too sharp, last night after knitting I had a little injury on my first finger. A little round poke mark that looked like a blood blister. It was gone by this morning, though, so no biggie.

Artsy Fartsy

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Socktober Halfober

So... here we are, October 13th, nearly half of the month gone and I've just barely started. I busted out the old bamboo dpns and the new Knitpicks Harmony circs and started my cast-on as follows:

When I started to knit off the dpns, I realized that the tips of my new needles were super blunt. In fact, they are flat on the end, and I can't knit with flat tipped needles. So, after rummaging around I located my go-to option for wooden needles that aren't pointy enough. (and none of them are) Here is a comparison with one before and one after sandpaper:

Very much improved.

After a few rounds, I have the beginning of sock 1, hopefully at the end of the day, I'll have sock 2 next to this one on the circs to really start flying.

One of these days, I really ought to break out some solid sock yarn and try some of these other awesome patterns. But for now, I must be content using Wendy's awesome blue-prints for my plain stockinette socks.

Edited to Add:

My hopes panned out nicely and this is my progress at the end of the day yesterday. Two sock beginnings one one circ, finished with the toe.

I really should remember that my toe is much less point than this. Starting with 16 stitches, rather than 8 would have been smarter. Oh well maybe next time I'll remember that.

Sunday, October 10, 2010


My daughter borrowed my stole the other night because she was cold. So I got to thinking, I ought to make her one of her own. Not a bad idea over all. The only problem? I had the worst migraine of the last several years yesterday, and it's not quite all gone even today. Why oh WHY did I think I could wrap my half a head around a lace chart? HUH? Why? Why why why? I couldn't even get through the first row of the chart without tinking and tinking and tinking and then finally it hit the frog pond. I'll get back to that later. bleh

Guess I'd better stick with the socks for now. Plain old stockinette and self patterning yarn. Much more doable with this head, such as it is. Well, at least I got a skein of sock yarn wound, even if it is in two very obviously different sizes. My poor little yarn weighing scale got all battery acid corroded and now it's broken. I tried to guesstimate it with the winder, but it didn't work out so good. And HOW is it that when I wind my own yarn, I more often than not I lose the beginning of the center pull?

OH well - these socks will not be matches of each other, but do I care? NO NO NO not even a little bit.


I have an odd craving for potato chips. Thankfully I don't buy those things very often, but these migraines definitely require potato products of some sort. Potatoes in the oven getting baked as I type. A much better option, definitely.

We need a picture to distract us.

One more random thought. Is it just me? I never get tired of watching The Fifth Element. I love that movie.

Friday, October 8, 2010

Socktoberfest Time Again!

I can't beLIEVE it's already October again! Thank goodness for blogland, or I would have gone through the whole month twiddling my thumbs and not knitting any socks. I was actually thinking of making my girl a little shawl, and I am in the planning stages of that, but FIRST! I must cast on some socks. Plain old stockinette? Maybe some color work? I dunno, but I better get to knittin'!

Issues are still going on with my boy (the oldest) but I'm hoping hoping hoping to get them sorted out very soon. My massage, yesterday, was heavenly wonderful and hurt so good. I needed it so very much. I was crying at some point (on top of a serious ragweed allergy attack this week) and my therapist got sad with me. She's so sweet.

Anyway, here are a couple of pix to cheer you, I mean me, I mean you, up =)

Life is a:

look up to the skies
and seeeeee

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Carmel Color Work Practice Scarf

As you can see, my tension is very iffy. And yet, I'm still smiling like the cat that ate the canary.
Why do you think that is? Well, for my first Continental purling adventure,
I don't care so much about the tension.

Plus, it's a beautiful day, and I've made it through one a of the
most terrifying weeks of my life. I can't go into detail,
but suffice it to say, when one of your kids seems to be having serious issues,
your life passes in front of your eyes like no other time.

And this little guy really loves his new scarf!
He also loves the carmel apples he asked me to make for after school snack.
You can see NOW why I had to name the scarf after carmel =)

AND - I'm getting a massage tomorrow!
A much needed and (even if I say so myself) MUCH deserved massage.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

In Case You Didn't Know

Bloglines is shutting down - the "export links" didn't work so my butt is now numb for sitting here transferring all my links to Google reader.

Must pace and get my booty circulation back.

peace out

Sunday, September 19, 2010

One More Step

Fair Isle has always been one of those knitting adventures that draws me in heart and soul. Who knows why, maybe it's that faint call of Scotland in my blood that draws me back to a small part of my heritage. Some things and places just pull at a person. Once I started knitting, it pulled at me. Certain artwork and photography are the same. Some countries and cultures tug at me to come back to them, like a long lost child going home. All the places that helped form the people who came together over the last several hundred years just so and brought me into being. Almost all the ancestry in me has some connection to knitting. Swedish, Norwegian, British, Irish, Scottish, Welsh and German people, to name some of what's in me, are knitters for the last few centuries. As I've blogged about previously, 3 out of 4 of my mom's Grandparents ( mostly descendants of the UK ) were knitters, and very good ones. As far as I know, none of my Dad's people, like his mother or hers did any knitting. I'm sure it's in their heritage, though, even if it was left back in Sweden, Norway and Germany.

So what about this Fair Isle thing inspires me to wax on prolific about heritage and knitting and what yanks my heart strings? Well, it's a very simple thing, actually. When I learned to knit, English was the method the book, "Learn to Knit" went over first, so that's the method I learned. Honestly it didn't occur to me to keep reading all the instructions and different methods, because I just wanted to keep on knitting, and that, I did. Then, I learned cables, knitting in the round, and eventually, through blogging, was introduced to gorgeous Fair Isle. While looking for something simple I could try, I saw that some use a mixed method for colour work, Continental and English method together. (Since I'm talking about Europe I feel compelled to default to the older purer spelling of colour, this post.)

So I started to try to practice Continental knitting. I did well at the knit stitch, but the purl stitch completely confounded me. So I did all my colour work in the round. I even procured a copy of YNotKnit, which teaches Continental knitting, and I still couldn't wrap my head around the purl stitch.

The other day when all the kids were knitting, two out of the three kept with it, but the youngest one asked me, "Momma, will you just make my scarf for me?" So, naturally, I said I would and I cast on a random number of stitches ( a bunch ) the way I like to make scarves. After a few rows of garter stitch I got bored, and decided to do some colour work. Only one problem with that plan. I still hadn't mastered the Continental purl stitch. So, I dug out my copy of YNotKnit and gave it another try and this time, I got it. Why I couldn't figure it out before, I don't know, but sometimes my brain just isn't ready for certain things the first time I attempt to get it to soak in. The simple, task of purling back and forth from Continental to English feels like a major triumph. This very little thing, at one time impossible for me, now possible. It gives me a little light of hope for making possible other things that now seem impossible or obstacles that seemed once insurmountable are now a little smaller. It may be silly but it's true. I have a long hard journey ahead and these little things really do help.

Once I have a little more to show, I'll post pictures, what I have now is just two rows of the simplest colour work. Something like this:


Simple, yet satisfying. It's not to be a very wide scarf, so the colour work will be little more than this, however, it opens up the whole world of Fair Isle just to be able to do the colour work in both directions. One little step.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Every Knitter's Dream

It must be in the air, knitting. My oldest, 11yr old boy, says, "I want to knit." My youngest, soon to be 7yr old boy says, "ME TOO!" Then my middle child, 9yr old girl says, "Where's MY knitting?" since she has a project in progress. So I quickly teach the oldest one to cast on, and move on to the youngest. Whilst still teaching the youngest, my middle child helps the oldest with the next step, knitting. So I look around me and all my kids are knitting.

At some point, 11yr old says, "I didn't think it could ever be this quiet in the house." Now why didn't I think of that?

Get to your knitting ye ruffians! I needs me quiet time, ARG!

I guess I need to start another project, too. I can't be the senior knitter, surrounded by little knitters and not also be knitting.

Friday, August 27, 2010

The Needles are Clicking

It has been a long long time since I picked up the needles and did anything. Yesterday was the day, my long dry spell came to an end. I picked up some very splitty off- white cotton and made a little scarf/sash thing. The reason I wanted it, was because I have a few of those 2 layer wrap skirts you can wear about 100 ways, and I wanted to make it look like an empire waist type thing. Plus, you can't have too many skinny Spring/Summer scarf embellishments in your wardrobe.

George was the perfect disinterested model, don't you think?

Art-wise, I'm gearing up for a "sky study" series, hopefully I can pull that off. I've been "painting in my head" these last couple of weeks. Looking at the sky and thinking, "How would I achieve that effect?" Looking at how the colors blend and the shadows work. Many times The skies have been offering up a very interesting canvas these last several mornings as I take the kids to school, and I've scolded myself for not having my camera along. So it will be living in my purse for some time to come. Here is one I took this morning.

Thursday, August 19, 2010


In case any of you not reading this blog think, perhaps I may have been lolloping around all Summer, here is a bit of what I've been doing. There are three others that haven't been photographed, hanging in the office where I work.

I've been working on painting lilies the most. Just popped into my head one day and I wondered if I could do it.

This one, however, is from a photo I spied yesterday at The Knittin Coop - Robin took some beautiful pictures and this one moved me. Since childhood, the visual affect of gradation has always interested me. I've always wondered if I could replicate it in a painting. I don't know why I waited until now to try it, but here's my first attempt at a landscape since Crayolas and grade school.

It isn't nearly as awesome as the photo, I still need to work on my technique as to how to achieve a more realistic and that popping light that shines so brightly through the gaps in the clouds. I tried leaving it white, but it didn't work. Next time I'll try a little more orange yellow than just straight yellow, possibly.

At any rate, these are my only proof of having done some little things of a crafty nature. It's something at least =)

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Hello Darkness My Old Friend...

Not sure why that song just popped into my head, but there it is. My last post, June the 24th, weird, I didn't even realize I posted that day. Just happened to be the day I turned 41. I don't pay much attention to birthdays or any of that stuff, I just think it's weird I accidently posted my last rant that day.

Anyway, since then, lots of stuff has been rolling around in my mind. I had lunch with my sister the other day and learned that my dad and his wife had told their friends for some years that if things ever started "Going to hell in a hand basket" for them, that they'd end it all together. While that's still crazy and selfish... it does put another spin on this particular psychosis. It seems that it may have been a decision they made together. Anyway, that's that.

I've been doing some painting lately and they are turning out fairly well. I keep thinking that I am going to pick up the needles again, but it's not happening really. Oh well, it'll happen when it happens.

Lots of other stuff is rolling around in my head, too, but that's a story for later. Life is kind of like writing a book, sometimes you know the main idea of a story and you start to write and let the characters and events take you where they will. These things rolling around in my head are sort of like that. I know where the story is supposed to be going, I have an idea of where I want it to be, but I'm not completely sure how things will add up between the here and the there. That remains to be seen, but as someone recently told me. Start getting prepared and if a miracle happens (when it happens) you'll be ready. =) Vaguety vagueness - yes, but that's ok.

Anyway, I wanted to check in and pretend to blog a little, at least. My whole four readers might be getting worried =)

More soon, school will be starting a week from Monday so there will be less demands that I do this and that and the other thing for 6 hungry children between 8 and 4 on my days off hahaha. See you then!

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Still Not Knitting

Don't know why. Don't know what I want to do instead. Don't know what I AM doing instead. Don't know what I want to knit. It's more like, I know what I don't want to knit, and that is everything I've planned to knit. I want something easy, different and practical.

It's hot, really hot, OVEN like, outside. I've had a migraine off and on for 7 days now. Even so, I've been in a good mood (well mostly). We have a largish kid pool that we have managed to bring back from the brink of stagnant pond to useable. (didn't know that was even possible)

Also, another positive - I'm not nearly SO angry as I was last post. In talking to my therapist about it, he asked me what would it take to get some sort of closure. My answer was, "I'd ask him, 'DUDE! WHAT THE HELL?' " To which he said, "Well the answer is that he was an alcoholic and when a person drinks that much it changes their brain chemistry which changes them into different people."

That's true. It's been driven home as completely true by the unfortunate experience of one of my friends lately. Another terrible story, but not mine to tell. I can say though, that alcohol changed my friend's husband to the point he was unrecognizable and wrecked his life, completely. (and changed her life forever, too) SAD SAD SAD

Of course drugs do the same thing and the combination of both together is especially deadly. It's too bad that so many people on the planet can't stop, or choose not to stop, down that road of self destruction. It's true that stopping isn't a matter of just making up your mind, it's much more of a complex issue. Like being made of iron and having an electromagnet following you around. So, those that have committed to sobriety and made it work, amaze me, and I am very proud of them.

I guess what I'm trying to say is if only more people on that road could realize that when they head down self destruction's path, they don't go alone. They bring all the people who ever loved or cared about them right along on a very scary and helpless trip. One of the things I hear over and over and have said over and over is that a person has to make that decision for themself, do it for themself, and not do it for someone else. It's a little bit flawed, that thinking. I understand why a person has to approach it that way, but it's not really like they are an island. Either way they go, they affect others for good or bad. Either way they head, all the relapses, all the pain, the fear, the final end of it all. No one ruins there own life without hurting someone else in the process. No one comes back from the edge of a cliff without someone breathing a sigh of nervous relief.

These words are all words that I can easily apply to myself, too. There are a million ways to hurt yourself and the people who love you. There are hundreds of addictions and self destructive paths out there. But how many people have the courage to stop what they are doing and take responsibility for their actions, and change for the better - for real? Really stop and take an accounting for the havoc, the tears, and the broken hearts. It's a vicious cycle I know the story. Just stop. STOP and breathe and let in the love of all those people and let it carry them through to recovery.

Yes, maybe that's over simplified, I don't know. It's not doctrine I'm preaching here, just my feelings. Sorting through them and figuring them out in my own clumsy way. Thanks for listening.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Sometimes I Even Confuse Myself

How sad is it that it has been SO long that I've posted anything here that I actually forgot my password. Honestly, I don't even remember changing it in the first place. I must have changed it in my sleep or something, because I have NO clue what I changed it to. SAD SAD SAD

At any rate. I haven't done much knitting since I churned out 5 of those headbands in a week. Not sure why, but I really enjoyed that pattern. I changed it up ever time I made it, too. I did one for each little girl in the family and 2 for a baby girl (grandbaby) of one of my favorite buds.

I really thought that I'd be working on some sort of red lace something or other by now. That's the problem with getting really excited about doing something and then not being able to start it during the initial motivation period. (since I had to wait and wait for the yarn to arrive) Once the yarn finally came and I got it all wound into pretty little cakes, I hit a rough spot. The anniversary of the date my dad died cropped up and bit me in the arse and that really sucked.

My problem is, that when some huge horrible thing happens, I completely shut down and go straight into shock. So I just muddle through feeling nothing for between 1 and 3 years, then it all hails down on me all at once. My biggest problem is the personality trait of always wanting to know the why and how and what the HELL of any given issue. In many cases however, there are only facts and figures without a why or how or what the hell, that adds up to anything other than: alcohol and guns don't mix - and depression makes for really stupid choices sometimes - and sometimes things really suck and "live isn't fair, and anyone who tells you differently is selling something"

I know I KNOW, there I go again, making a joke through the tears of reality, laughing at stuff that isn't funny. That's me.

It really doesn't matter why or how it happened, it still really makes me angry. I don't care if he didn't know what he was doing it still pisses me off.

Of course what all of this really boils down to is - I need to be knitting so I can knit and purl my way through it. (non knitters, just so you know, it actually works, so don't point and laugh - okay?)

I'm actually more OK than I sound, sometimes you just hafta vent before the knitting can commence.

Monday, May 17, 2010

Swatch/Practice FO

Oddly, I have knitting to share, finished knitting to boot.
Inspired by Amy again, I embarked on a headband.

It is a bit fiddly and quite imperfect, the lattice goes this way and that way,
and I even accidentally added and extra row of "YO K2tog" in roughly
the middle of the headband,so it almost has the look of something intentional.

It fits the daughter nicely,
and I'm going to embark on a second one for the eldest niece.
(not my usual model, her older sister)

On another note, we've had some spectacular storm systems go through. Some have given us a little rain and some just go by us and flood someone else.

Now I'm off to get started on my second swatch type practice headband.
I may modify it some or I may not.