Tuesday, August 7, 2007

Do ya ever...

Do you ever just feel the need to talk to someone and not know who it is you should talk to? That's how I feel today, like if I just had someone to talk to, I'd feel better. Don't get me wrong, I'm not down in the depths of despair, the way I was a few weeks ago. Man, I hope I NEVER go there again, that was SO hard. I felt oddly ok today, but without any drive to DO anything. I hate those days, but at least this time, MOST of the laundry is done. I did knit a little bit, while watching "The Greatest Game Ever Played" or whatever it's called. I really liked it, even though I have no interest in golf. Why is it that the movies about golf are so much more exciting than watching it? So weird.

So here I am, wishing I had someone to talk to and I'm talking to scores of people. (all 15 of my subscribers! lol) maybe there are a few more. Only problem is, that, as much as I love blogging and talking, I really like listening, too, and that is not so much the thing you get from blogging. There is an exchange of sorts, but it's just not quite the same, is it? Blogging today feels a little bit like shouting into a windstorm. Lots of effort going out but no one can hear you. What am I shouting? I don't know, maybe it's just a long loud scream, which would only come across as a whisper. Reaching out into the dark, knowing that no one is there to take your hand. (thinking about spiders)

That sounds a lot more depressing than it really is, I'm not shy about admitting depression. I know I have it sometimes. I don't really feel depressed, I think the problem is that I am feeling NOTHING today, which bothers me. I should know by now that those days are usually those processing days, when so much is going on subconsciously that the conscious gets a little bit scrambled. Anyway, feeling nothing doesn't feel good, that's for sure, which is why I was really glad when I finally cried today. (Thanks GC, if you're reading this, you helped me today)

Well, I guess I'll go back to my processing or whatever it is =) Thanks for listening, everyone.

8 comments:

Robin said...

I'm here!! Ewww~spiders! Don't reach into dark places, turn on the light or get a flashlight!

Hey, I know these sorts of days...hang in there~you've got friends!

Guernseygal said...

I think you are right about the processing. After my son announced he was leaving home to move off the island I had a few days where I felt nothing at all - It took about a week before my brain had processed all the ramifications - then I cried. Hang on in there we can hear you and we are listening :-)

shannon said...

Nothing days are just that. In my family we call them non-days. And they are okay, make peace with them and wake up tomorrow and go on. If you ever, ever, need a friend to talk to, an actual ear is just a phone call away.

Susan said...

The nothing is like being numb. I don't get that so often, but my husband does, and figuring out how to get past the numb is a hard thing. I hope you're feeling better today. Sometimes a night's sleep hits the reset button.

Rebekah said...

Oh I know exactly what you mean, I'm kinda having a day like that today myself. I'm fine, I'm not upset, I'm not worried, I just feel or don't feel odd.

Too bad we don't live closer, we could be good support for each other.

Why not read a chapter of the new book and then have a talk with you know who. I find the bathroom a good place to do that, because no one bothers you ;-)

AmyP said...

I understand. In times of crisis (like I've had recently) you get your head down and cope. It's only afterwards that the "nothing" hits you.
You can't laugh. You certainly can't cry. There's no anger. There's zip.
And on that happy note!

kimberly said...

I'm here!!! I'm sorry I'm not around more often but I'm here!!! I have my depressing times too so I know how it can be. I wish you lived closer so that we could chat whenever we wanted but that's not going to happen so in any case I'll send you some hugs from Germany and hope today is a better day. Hugs!!!!
Kimberly

Isabelle aka Tricotine said...

I am here too! A little late... as always... [embarrassed] but you know you can count on me, right?

I hope you feel better today. Remember, my motto song...

OOOOOH OOH OOH OOH OO-OOH OOH OO-OOH OO-OOH OO-OOOOOH... Don't worry... OOH OO-OOH OO-OOH OO-OOOOH... Be happy! OOH OO-OOH OO-OOOOOH...

It kept me going when I thought I could take it anymore... Still works sometimes... [grin]

You can do it! "When you are under water, kick hard when you reach the bottom, and you will propulse yourself to the surface of the water again." (French saying)

Love and {{{HUGS}}}
Isa :-)