Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Computer Problems and Stories

Well, bummer of all bummers, my computer seems to be giving me fits and won't let me access the pictures on the little SD card, and since there are hundreds of different shapes of USB cable ends, I can't do that either. WHY are there so many different little plug ins for cables that do exactly the same thing? I know the answer is so that you have to buy a different cable for every little thing in your life, but still, it's annoying.

So I took all these pictures with my new camera and can't even show ONE of them. *cry* And it's so cool because this camera actually shows the colors as they are. It doesn't turn all purple into blue and doesn't change the blues into other blues. The greens are right, the pinks are right, everything is right but my computer is being difficult. GRRR

Anyway, I guess I'll just have to tell stories instead of showing pictures. I actually have 3 FO's! (I'm frustrated, can you tell?)

So, the drama at school I mentioned half a month ago. We have a new instructor for this mod (5 weeks per mod, probably short for module) and he has been quite an adjustment. At least once or twice, sometimes more, per day he snaps and goes off on us. We were sort of getting used to it when he had the mother of all snaps all over me specifically. It was SO bad that by the end of his tirade I was glaring daggers at him to the point he had to look away. It was over something totally trivial, too, and I was accused of critiquing him, when what I said was only meant to be helpful. At any rate, I was so mad that later I started crying (which only made me more angry because now I appeared to be hurt instead of just mad and frustrated). THAT got everyone up in arms in my defense and these people went to the head instructor and started leaving notes for the director, and eventually I had to tell the director about it.

Strangely, after all that, even though this particular instructor still has his little fits here and there, now he acts like I'm his favorite student. (which confuses me, but ... oh well) Anyway, we have all sort of gotten used to each other just in time to switch to another instructor. (One we are pretty much already used to because she subbed for us once) Anyway, things were pretty tense there for a couple of days, and several of the students were trying to get out of his class, which isn't really an option. The funny thing is, one of the other students, the one I usually sit with, had been stressing big time about the disorganization and other irritating things, and I was saying, "Give him the benefit of the doubt... etc etc" and then he went off on me, not even knowing I was one of his few advocates. (that sorta changed a bit) lol

It's hard to believe that after this mod, I'll be half-way through school. Goes fast! I'm now sorta starting to stress about whether I can get a job that pays enough to pay the mortgage and utilities. I suppose it'll all work out in the end. ACK!

Now, the story of the camera. Most of you know, that the last time I was in the hospital with my third nervous breakdown or whatever you want to call it, a cleaning frenzy of great magnitude descended on my house and rearranged everything and cut half of my trees' branches off, moved my plants and lost my camera. Not that I'm not thankful for the help... just... well that's in the past. Anyway, the camera. So we've also had several shingles blown off in various hail storms and such, which finally got claimed on our insurance. I was told that if we had any extra after the work was done I might get a new camera out it. (bear in mind this is the same person I'm in the final stages of getting divorced from) The controlling issues are still there, which meant I had no say in which camera I got... but that's another story. (story of my life, really, like when I said I wanted an iPod and got a 3 pound RCA thing that never worked, but again I digress) So I was presented with a new camera about a month ago. It's super nice, still auto focus, but... hey it's better than what I was using before, even the lost one. (and it's being called 'my' camera, so I'll probably get to keep it when the parting of the ways happens)

The situation is very odd, here. I've been trying to extricate myself from this relationship for quite some time, and just didn't get taken seriously. In retrospect, I should have just packed up my kids and left about 3 years ago, before I got so stressed that I fell off the deep end repeatedly. But that's the thing about retrospect, it doesn't really do you any good. Of course, the fact that I did have a breaking point was being used against me and I knew it from the beginning. Which is why I knew I'd have to bide my time and get balanced and whatnot before I would be taken seriously. Well, I bid my time too long, and broke yet again, but this time I was very adamant that I had to get out of this marriage. I still wasn't being taken very seriously, and my breaking of course was held over my head as a weapon to remove me from my children. I was told I was going to have to leave and that I would be set up with "a little apartment" and I could keep the kids as much as I wanted (babysit) until he got home from work, but they just couldn't live with me. Naturally this flies in the face of all reason, if I can "babysit" them till all hours, I clearly can live with them. Of course I refused such an arrangement and didn't leave. That was back in the Spring.

Summer, Autumn, Winter have come and gone (of course, Winter is still here). The tones have calmed down, the threats have subsided, and there is now a completely different plan in the works. It's obvious now, that yes, I am still a good mother, and yes, I am still doing everything plus going to school, and yes, I would fight for my kids and probably win. So the fight has been taken off the table and more congenial terms are in place. So hopefully, things will continue to improve.

I should mention that I have left out lots of the details about both of us, and rightly so. I don't want to paint myself as a saint, because that's far from true. I did what I had to do to get out and be taken seriously about having to get out. I'm dealing with the consequences of that, but I'm not 100% sure I'd do it different if I could. Except for the getting out three years ago and preserving my sanity a bit more.

That's too sad a note to be the end. It's not easy to admit my failings, but I felt it was necessary for some reason. The candour thing, I suppose.

It's been a pretty icky year in some ways, but I've learned a great deal about myself about others and about forgiveness. In spite of all the troubles of this year, somehow we've managed to preserve a working relationship and some respect for each other. I guess that's how it works when you still have to live in the same house while going through all these different changes. I don't really do New Year's resolutions, but I do plan to do some things very differently. It's going to be a good year! If I say that enough times, it will be true, right? =)

Good bye 2008 - It's been real

hopefully the computer will start acting right pretty soon


Pixie Purls said...

to a fresh new year! may your 2009 be wonderful!

Chris said...

You have certainly grown in the year or so that I have gotten to know you. As I have often said--"You go girl!" Here's to a great 2009.

Miri Mack said...

It sounds like you're getting of to a good start. Keep that positive spirit and determination and things will go your way. (hugs)