Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Finally an FO - Among other things

I've been promising some knitting content, and that I shall deliver.

First, the FO (finished object - for those non-knitter readers)
I finally got the knee brace things finished. Yaay! Even though the person I made them for is now preggers with twins and not much allowed to exercise.... she'll have them when she needs them. Chasing twins around is exercise, right?

They are made with the most squishy, wonderful stuff - 59% Bamboo, 25% Cotton and 16% Elastic Nylon for sproing =) It wasn't the easiest stuff to knit with (which is my fault because my tension is very tense) but overall, I will buy it again. Panda Cotton from Crystal Palace Yarns - good stuff. I definitely want some socks made with this yarn.

Second, the WIP (work in progress)
I am muchly liking this version better than the last. I did the fitted thing for the top and give it more shape once it's long enough to include my ample hips - lol. Those of you rolling your eyes, I've put on some pounds, I can say that now.

Those of you who have been reading this blog awhile, know that I have a hard time taking pictures of myself. After taking 20 frights, I finally handed the camera over to my daughter. It was still several shots before we got something presentable, it just happens to come with a small hand holding grass, roots and dirt on it. That's okay with me.

Third, my wubbie
I have a cotton sweater/cardi thing that I really like. I got it at Ross for some very low cost, I'm sure. I've pretty much worn it every day since. However it is beginning to disintegrate. Sad I am, verily.

So, I will be deconstructing it, on paper. I can't actually bring myself to take it apart, I can still wear it at home. KnitPicks has some new natural color cotton yarns that look very tempting. I'm still not sure which variation I'll choose, but the one closest to what I have is the Malted Milk. I'll probably go with that one. This project means I'll have to either get over my aversion to seaming and grow up and become a real knitter =) or figure out a way to do it in the round and do scary steeks on cotton yarn that will also make me grow up and be a real knitter. Either way, I'll have to grow up. rats

Fourth, my family surprised me with a little graduation party!
I was completely taken off guard and pleasantly surprised and felt very weird at the same time suddenly being the center of attention. There was cake and cup cakes and presents and everything!

I LIKE my presents! 15 year old Scotch - SO YUMMY - and a Starbucks card =) Does my family know me or WHAT? I'm new to Scotch (weird considering my love of everything Scotland) but this stuff is my fav so far. I only sip a little now and then, so no danger of adding a real PROBLEM to my other issues (in case you were worrying about that) I plan for this bottle to last me a very good long time, which is why I hid it from the other adult in the house. (come to think of it, I think I'll hide it better) I can't have him defiling it with Dr. Pepper or some such heresy as that. MUST PROTECT THE SCOTCH

and finally
Fifth, more cool sky pics.

Did you notice, the scenery is completely different? That's because I was driving from my neighborhood to my Mom's house. That's about 20 miles. These only represent about 8 of those.

Yep, me driving my little standard, taking pictures and talking on the phone to my brother, who, again, alerted me to grab the camera.

That reminds me! My car is okay. Apparently, since I need tires, and the whole car shakes like... what's something that shakes a lot? ... well it shakes violently between 60 mph and 81 mph. It's really smooth at 82 mph =) Anyway, it shook a spark plug loose, thus the coughing dying thing. So... aside from still needing tires and the shaking, the car is good. (stop screaming, they aren't that bad)

One more thing. Today was my therapy day and it came with a realization. (or revelation, if you prefer) It really applies to lots of people, and it's something I kinda knew already, but didn't really know WHY I was this way. Basically goes like this, since I was raised in a very chaotic and painful situation, I became used to disarray and well, chaos. So I work very well under pressure. School and study, when I was young, was an escape from a very, critical, ridiculous situation. For the most part, none of the things at home ever made any sense, it was full of stress and hopelessness, because there was never a time when anything I ever did was good enough to please the powers that were there breathing down my neck. Being a person that is relatively intelligent enough, as I said, I found school much less awful than home.

Once I grew up, I threw myself into lots of things at once. Again, chaos, pretty much, but I thrived in that environment. So... once I started staying home, no outside job, no outside anything, really, I started on a gradual decline. As a person used to chaos, I was bored, but I thought, hey, boredom should be good for me, a break from the chaos. Not so, as it turns out, I need some pressure and some sort of something pushing me to accomplish things.

I'm not saying it as well as it was presented to me, I don't think. He said I reminded him of a friend of his, a very talented aeronautical engineer who struggled with sobriety over and over. His sponser eventually told him, "Your brain is much too dangerous a place for you to be playing around in there by yourself." In other words, he really needed to be DOING something in order to keep from looking at his personal life with dissatisfaction. He needed an external pressure, some chaos to keep him engaged in his work, which in turn, kept him from being TOO introspective, which would invariably lead to relapse.

I really see that in myself. Boredom leads to pathology.

Just to be clear, being a mom IS doing something, don't get me wrong. I'm glad I stayed home when they were little. It's a very hard job, the hardest I've ever had. My problem was that it never ends and it never gets done. SO... everything you did today is gone tomorrow, so a real sense of accomplishment is short-lived. That's was my world, anyway.

SO... why share this? In the hopes that at least one other person reading this, had a not so great situation when they were growing up with one or more critical, overbearing person in their life who made you feel like crap. Think back to a time when you were doing REALLY well. What were you doing? Lots of stuff, probably. Keep the chaos OUT THERE in the workplace or out the in school or wherever it belongs, and give your personal life a break from it.

ok - off soap box now =)

live long and prosper


Chris said...

LOL My sponsor told me "Your mind is like a bad neighborhood, Don't go in there alone." I do have that other little problem, but have been sober 24 years and am grateful for every day of it, and am so glad I have learned how to live. And that it really is not all about me. You are doing a great job April. Keep up the good work.

Anonymous said...

I love your photos of the Texan sky - we just don't have Big skies over here!

I think the photo your daughter took a good picture (even if there was added "help" in the frame!)

Good advice about the chaos - I tend to have things going around in my head and they don't always come out at the right time or in the right way.

Miri Mack said...

Love the colors on sweater, April. I think those knee thingies would be really great under my knee pads. I will have to think about that. :-)

I realized long ago that I shouldn't - I called it - stew on something. I would be working on the microscope and begin to mentally go over my day with a critical eye and become unhappy with everything. Bad playground!

juliet said...

Wow - so much to read here! Good luck with taking the cardi to bits and making a new one (it will be fine - trust yourself), congrats on the graduation (and the non-death of the car - thats fab) and I love the photos. As for being a parent - you are so on the button with that, its a really skuzzy job sometimes and I admire people that can sit at home and make daisy chains etc for ever and ever and EVER but it certainly sent me mad (I went to a really dark place there at that time). Now I just celebrate the good days and the good stuff and focus on that. Some people have no idea how precious feeling good and happy really is, I'm kind of glad I'm not one of them