Evidence That I Still Knit

Exhibit A - One nearly complete pair of socks

Well, there's no Exhibit B, so this will have to do. I have pretty much always been a one project knitter, and I guess that hasn't changed. Hey there's one thing about me that is the same. I know it's weird in the knitting community not to have dozens of projects on the needles at once, but the reality of that just stresses me out. (not sure why)

I'm getting in the habit of avoiding things that stress me out, for obvious reasons. lol None of us in here or out there need any sort of repeat of the events in the Spring (or those of the Winter for that matter) HEY! I got through a whole SEASON without freaking out (or whatever they call it in the professional community) I called it spinning out before, that's a pretty good description. Every day I think about some aspect of that process and wonder.... "Why did I think I was ok?" Funny how that works. When you are, well, I should say, when I am, in the throes or grip of the spinning, I feel fine. I think that's what makes it scary because I can't tell I'm off, even though everyone else can. A few days before I totally hit the fan, someone had told my husband to get me help like NOW. (I bet he wishes he had)

At least now, I don't feel ok, I do feel off, and I am aware of the weirdness within. (for lack of a better explanation) I shouldn't say, I don't feel ok, I am feeling better than I have. I can just tell I'm no where near finished healing. I can tell because I'm still really tired and I still need more sleep than I can get in 8 hours at night. My motivation is low, but I can manage the basics. Even the basics were a great challenge when I was really low. I'm back to auto pilot on most of the basics, which feels better. My sister suggested something helpful yesterday. Basically, just write down one or two things you want to accomplish that day, and then when you do them, you can see what you accomplished. I didn't write it down yet, but I did do the 2 things I was wanting to accomplish, so that feels better, anyway.

And now, I have a little less than an hour before the house starts to fill up grade schoolers. All three of them, I bring home my niece on Thursdays to play with my daughter. SO... I'm going to catch a little cat nap in preparation =)